INDIA, THE JEWEL IN THE CROWN?

India. What can I say that hasn't already been said about India? You've all heard it before. The vast plains, the heat, the heaving mass of 1.3 billion people, the colour, the poverty, the filth, the stench. It's all so very true!! But you know all that stuff I said about chaos on the roads in the countries we have been to sofar? Well, forget it, all that was only practice for India. India is a living nightmare, and it is no place to enjoy motorcycling. The cities are jam packed with cars, bicycles, scooters, rickshaws, tuk tuks, buses, pedestrians, with no quarter asked or given. They come at you every which way, & its bloody scary. They think nothing of driving on the wrong side of the road, & just appear in front of you, The horn, loud as it is, has little effect as everyone else is beeping at the same time. Out on the road, its even scarier. On a section of National Route 2 between Varnassi & Kanpur, which was a divided road with two lanes in each direction with a wide median strip inbetween, we were in the fast lane and every so often had trucks & even buses coming straight at us on the wrong side of the road. This is common practice. Scooters & small motorcycles just hop the median wherever they want, & pedestrians & cyclists are all over the shop. Throw in the cows, which just sit in the middle of the road, the buffalos that walk where ever they want, dogs, pigs, donkey carts, get the picture? At one stage, there was a guy on a small scooter crossing the median strip at will, and a guy coming straight at us on a similar bike, with a pillion. Both of them were so busy looking at us, that after we had passed, I witnessed a spectacular explosion of bikes & bodies in the rear vision mirror, as they really ploughed into each other hard. No helmets or any other protective gear. Somewhere else, we stopped in a small town, & two vans hit head on while their drivers were both looking at us, fortunately only going slowly.

Roadworks are a complete farce. At one point on a main highway we encountered a diversion in place around a bridge being repaired. There were no signs, no flagmen or temporary traffic lights , no traffic control whatsoever. Oncoming traffic just met head on until the whole lot just locked up. Everyone started beeping their horns, as if this would somehow solve the problem. We were stuck here for about 40 minutes, inching forward with the engines (& bodies) melting. At train crossings, instead of queueing in the normal manner, once a few cars stop in a queue, the late arrivals just drive down the wrong side of the road because its clear, and then stop at the barrier, taking up both lanes. The cars on the other side of the crossing do the same, & when the boom gates go up, no one can move off the crossing. Instant gridlock, which can back up for kilometers!

They seem to be fixing all the roads all at the same time, instead of actually finishing some of it & moving on to the next bit. You can be riding along one section, & then just get funnelled onto the other carriageway via a temporary crossing, next thing you have two lanes of traffic coming straight at you. At times, you are not even sure which side you are supposed to be on, but I'm starting to think it doesn't matter, you are not safe anywhere! One village just runs into the next, so you can't reall get going. You get up to 80 or 100, then almost immediately you are backing off for one reason or another. Its very frustrating, & progress is slow.

Wherever we stop, there is a crowd within seconds, and it just keeps getting bigger. At some towns this has actually caused substantial traffic jams. Sometimes, you have to beat people back to just find the bike. Crowds of a hundred or more are common, I kid you not. They crawl all over the bike tampering with all the switches. Sometimes there are some questions, usually how much do they cost, & how many miles to the gallon (why, I have no idea), but mostly they just stare blankly at us like zombies, as if we had just arrived from outer space. There may be some truth in this, if you think about it. This really is a pain in the butt, because you cant get a second's peace to just rest & recharge.

On our first night in India we got into Gorakhpur, and were absolutely shell shocked by the time we finally reached our dump of a hotel. I had managed to drop the bike while doing a slow U turn in heavy traffic, trying to find the hotel, & I was really cranky. No hot water, so a cold shower followed. My phone would not work, and none of the ATM 's we could find (after walking for hours through manure filled streets, breathing in the diesel fumes & the open drains filled with sewage & rotting garbage) would work with my cards. I had thirty bucks. That night, while sleeping, I was woken twice by a mouse running over my head. We awoke to find that someone had stolen the BMW logos off the tanks. Welcome to India!

In Gorakhpur we met Sam, (originally from England, now living in India) heading for Nepal on her Royal Enfield Bullet.

We got moving early next day, but by the time we got out of town, I was feeling really sick from the level of exhaust fumes, especially the diesel, the stench & the heat. That day, it took us 5 hours to cover 250 km, & it was the most demanding day so far. I really started to think I was in trouble, & had to question whether I had bitten off more than I could chew. We really had to dig deep at this point. We both felt we were not seeing India at all, just the fifty yards of road in front of the bikes, you dare not look at anything else while you are moving, & since you don't get a chance to see anything when you stop either, the whole thing seemed pointless. That night, we decided to review the itinerary.

Our new strategy was to get to the other side of the country as quickly as we could , & stay at 5 star hotels wherever possible. Again, the internet turned up some good hotel deals if you book ahead, through Wotif, or Wired Destinations & similar sites, but it would still take us 10 days to get out of this living vision of Hell. We also decided we needed to rehydrate, & started taking oral rehydration salts with our bottled water. It's stay alert or die in this inferno.

So, after a couple of night refuge in the Radisson in Varanassi, we both felt better. We had a look at the ghats on the Ganges, where thousands of devotees wash in the river at dawn (so we heard, we were asleep with the air conditioning on max), but we did see a few corpses incinerated later in the day. They really go off! Apparently they light up about 300 per day, seven days a week, no waiting.

The ghats on the Ganges at Varanassi. In the monsoon season, the sandbar on the opposite side is completely covered.

People swimming in the Ganges, well after the early morning rush.

We then bolted for the Landmark Hotel in Kanpur. Kanpur isn't even in the Lonely Planet, & now we know why. We read in the local paper it is the most polluted city in India in terms of air quality, & the 7th in the world, like they are proud of it!

From there to Agra, to see the you know what. Well, you have to, don't you? I actually felt a little excited when we got a glimpse of the Taj off in the distance on the way into town.

First glimpse of the Taj Mahal on the road into Agra.

The very comfortable Clarks Shiraz Hotel in the Cantonment area was a very agreeable base. Next day we went to the Taj, and I have to say that despite the well deserved bagging I have just given India, the Taj Mahal is simply the most glorious building I have ever seen, & I've seen plenty.

Sure it looks a little frayed around the edges when you get up close, but the concept, the scale & the setting are truly awe inspiring, and the level of craftsmanship & detail is just phenomenal. All the embellishments are either carved from or inlaid into the stonework. The four huge tapered circular columns on each corner of the main plinth are made of marble blocks, and the faces are not square, but cut on the curve, and they are perfect! I didn't want to leave this exquisite creation, I just kept looking at it from all angles, then sat & looked some more. I was completely captivated by its stunning beauty. When I reluctantly tore myself away & returned to the stinking streets, I think I started to understand why India is such an awful, weird yet somehow compelling place. But I have no plans to move here.

Next stop Jaipur, out in the Rajahstan desert. We thought heading into the desert would be better because there would be less people & less traffic, & we plan to go on to Bikaner, then up to Amritsar. As it turns out the roads actually improved a lot, this is where they are really spending some big money.

Somewhere in Rajahstan. The roads are better, the crowds are smaller, the air is cleaner.

The ride from Agra to Jaipur was our best yet in India, almost enjoyable, and we wondered whether things really are on the up & up, or is it just that we are getting used to the traffic. A bit of both, I think.

POST SCRIPT FROM NEPAL.


In Chitwan National Park in Nepal, we took an elephant ride through the jungle, on this very elephant. Chris & I were stuck at the back, facing rearwards. I learned something that I expect not many people in Australia would be aware of. An elephant must actually stop walking to take a dump, but it can fart on the move. So there!