LONG WAY DOWN

Some of you will no doubt pick up on the intended motorcycling pun in the title. Today I have been swinging around the treetops like our primate cousins who took a slightly different evolutionary route. Quite clearly if we were meant to be defying gravity like that, we would also have arms as long as our legs, hands and feet like vice grip pliers and a brain that could not extrapolate what happens if you make a mistake. Flight of the Gibbon is a tour company that runs a ziplining operation in the mountainous rainforest some 50 km outside Chaing Mai.

The small group of thrillseekers taking on this challenge with me consisted of 4 girls and a guy, all from England. I am older than the combined age of all the others in the group, and should have more sense, but I don't. After getting a safety briefing and signing a waiver, we were kitted out in a parachute type harness with all kinds of mountaineering gear attached, and a silly plastic hat about as useful as tits on a bull.

See what I mean about the hat!


We had two Thai guys who guided us through another briefing, then away we went. The bottom line was this. At all times you have at least one safety line attaching you to something. When you are zipping, you have two safety lines. Don't touch the clips yourself, the guides do it for you. Don't touch the cable unless you want to ruin your hands and fingers, place one hand on top of the thing with the wheels in it that grips the cable, and the other on the sling attaching you to the cable. Then jump. For some reason the guys, who insisted on calling me Mark (its Mike, M.I.K... oh never mind), decided that my gray hair implied some sort of expertise, or out of deference for my age, made me go first. Everybody else breathed a sigh of relief.

I stood on a little timber platform attached to a huge tree, got clipped onto the cable, got my hands in the right position, then stepped out into .....nothing at all. Christ!! Gravity took over for a split second as I dropped until the cable deflected under my weight, and the harness pulled tight, then I accelerated forward with the little wheels screaming. I dared not look down. Down to the bottom of the sag (catenary, actually) then up the other side, slightly decelerating now as I was going upwards. The landing platform that should have come into view was nowhere to be seen, mainly because somehow I had spun around and was facing the wrong way. I made an ungainly contact with the platform as a pair of hands grabbed me and I scrambled to find my feet and searched for a hand hold. Then I got unclipped. Wow, I'm still alive! That wasn't so bad after all. The rest of the group followed, and the young adrenaline junkies made it look pretty easy.

And so it went for another 16 stations, as we became accustomed to how it worked and felt, and got the directional stability under control. A couple of tricky bits though. The longest ride was about 800 metres. Think about how far that is, its half a mile in the old money. I thought I was never going to get there before the wheels melted, they were screaming like the knock-off whistle at Holden's. Then there was the station where they clipped you at the back. That means there was nothing to hold onto at all, totally hands free. This was just like bungee jumping or parachuting. You just had to throw yourself forward into space. This was the most difficult station for me. There is a huge psychological block meant to protect us from such folly, and it must be overcome. I kind of froze, I had two attempts at leaving and checked myself at the critical moment both times. The mind started to doubt, I thought for a second "I can't do this", then somehow I just shut my eyes and  jumped. As the cable and harness tightened, I opened them again, and I was rocketing towards a large rope net hanging from a tree about 100 meters away. I grabbed at it like a man falling off a skyscraper and after a rather ungainly exit, got to the platform and hugged the tree. My heart was racing fit to burst. Bloody Hell! After that it was all relatively easy. There were a couple of stations where you descended vertically on a rope. These were slow, and not the least bit scary after all the zipping.

At the completion of all this, we returned the equipment and there was an opportunity to get hold of some photos in various formats. Here are a few of mine and some of the professional shots.

 The locals looked slightly bemused.

How about this then?

 Going down, vertical descent.

 Still going down.

Final approach on a section of the high speed zipline.

Landing gear down.

 Flaring for touchdown.

 The landing area on one of the short sections.

 A few rickety bridges thrown in to keep us honest.

 The view of this long section is a little scary prior to jumping. Only the first part is visible.

 Ok, it's really scary. And if you could see all of it at the same time, it would be terrifying.

 Great big tree, tiny little platform, tiny people.

Long Way Down, but its the finish, and its another easy vertical descent. I SURVIVED!!!

ITS NOT ALL BLACK OR WHITE. ACTUALLY IT IS!

I had actually planned to hire a bike from Kay and ride up to Chiang Rai to see the Wat Rong Khun, aka The White Temple, but decided to hire a car with Alison, and we got chauffeured up there instead. Glad to be off the bikes for a while, and as the recent rain put out the fires and cleared the air, we were able to enjoy the views. Unlike just about every other temple in Thailand, this one is a mere few years old. Construction started in 1997, and according to its creator, artist Ajarn Chalermchai Kositpipat (got that?), it will not be finished until some 60 to 90 years after his death. His stated goal is to build the most beautiful temple in the world, and to show the glory of modern Thai Buddhist arts. He is on the record as aiming to create something on a par with the Taj Mahal or the Angkor Wat. I have visited both of these, and its a lofty goal. I'm not sure he will do it, but he has still created a mind blowing building. He also raised funds for the construction on his own. He did not wish to be dictated to, or even influenced, by governments or wealthy benefactors compromising his artistic freedom. This is his baby. I get that, but I can't say I really understand why the guy has to make such an over the top statement. Isn't less supposed to be more? But I guess that's why he's an artist and I'm an engineer. People aren't queuing to see my work, but then I never expected them to. (But if anyone is interested....). I can see that the point of this artwork is to reinforce the notion that all the bad stuff in this world exists down at our level, and that through truth and beauty we can aspire to, and indeed reach, a state of greater understanding and fulfillment, which may well be the definition of enlightenment itself. Very Buddhist. And to challenge us to take the task on. So the sooner we recognise this and get started, the better for all of us. Wow, heavy, man!

The project suffered a setback last year, when it was significantly damaged in an earthquake. Much of this damage is still evident and is currently being repaired, but I fear the structure will always be susceptible to such events. This is a shame. He should have got a structural engineer on board in the early design stage, but try telling an artist anything, they'd be worse to work with than architects!

Anyway, it's hard to capture the scale and grandeur of the whole catastrophy in a few shots. Equally, it's hard to document the mind boggling attention to detail at the micro level. I bought a book of photographs for that very reason. The exterior of the main building is covered with tiny mirrored glass tiles, cut to shape and embedded in the rendered coating. The inside is covered in hand painted frescoes, which are about as far from traditional as you can get. I spotted Batman, Superman, Elvis, Kung Fu Panda, some of the thingies from Despicable Me, the burning twin towers of the World Trade Centre, and lots of others. No photos were permitted inside, but here are a few snaps of the exterior anyway.

 EEEyew.

This is the toilet block. I kid you not.

Even the traffic bollards out in the street are weird, but I want one!

Now, here is where it gets even more weird. Across town there is another structure called The Black House. Hannibal Lector House might be a more appropriate name for it. Its not a temple, but it is to some extent a counterpoint to the above. All black, dark, evil and generally horrible, and designed by a real nutter. It's where Satan would go for a holiday.

I'd like to say no animals were harmed in the making of this exhibition, but that would just be telling porkies. Just have a bloody look at the joint, talk about the Bone Collector! Creepy Central. I have even more trouble trying to work this one out artistically. Someone must have left the gate open at the local psycho ward. I would rather I hadn't seen it after The White Temple, I thought it was a real downer. We hurried back to Chiang Mai for a drink.

BACK TO CHIANG MAI

Uttaradit was, I thought, unremarkable. We stopped overnight for no other reason than we had to stop somewhere. I think by this stage, weariness was starting to set in for the group as a whole, particularly after a tough day crawling through the fog on the previous day. The ride back to Chaing Mai was mostly via main roads, ie high speed motorways, with a bit of drizzle thrown in just to keep us on our toes. Kind of dull riding, until you realise that nothing is ever dull for too long with Kay leading. Wherever we got a red light, Kay lane filtered to the head of the queue, we followed, spread out, and it was on for young and old when the lights changed. At one point there was a cop car parked in the median along one stretch of dual carriageway motorway. What they were doing there is anyone's guess. When four screaming motorcycles went past them at 160 kph (and I was backing off!) and they did absolutely nothing, I presumed they were not enforcing speed limits.

This ride was punctuated by two stops, the first being at a temple built into a hillside, featuring a very large reclining Buddha, and the second being an elephant park.

 This is a large scale temple, that's a mighty big statue

 As usual, its the details that add to the fascination.

 I don't know either, maybe they're playing leapfrog.

A nasty customer indeed. The good versus evil thing is a recurring theme in Buddhist temples.


The elephant park raises a few uncomfortable issues. Elephants were traditionally used as motive power in the logging industry. Since being replaced by machinery which finished off most of the remaining trees, there is not much of a logging industry left in these parts. Although they appear to still be doing a fair bit of it in Laos. Replanting is under way in Thailand, but that will take 50 or 60 years before there is much yield. Anyway, the result is a lot of unemployed elephants, so rather than have them running around causing mayhem while they eat their 600 kg of foliage per day, many of them are kept in National Parks, or in purpose built sanctuaries, where they can be looked after and raise a few bucks as a tourist attraction (especially if they stomp on cars!). While the elephants in this park appeared to be docile and well cared for, its hard to say whether they are better off. Do they know that they are safe, and in return for performing a few corny tricks for the tourists, they are guaranteed food and health care for their lifetime? Does that make them dole bludgers? I've got a hunch that they are smart enough to know when they are onto a good thing, but as for the old argument of whether they should be exploited by humans at all, I'm not so sure. It raises the whole issue of circuses, zoos, Seaworlds, feral animals and even domestic pets. Nobody gets too upset that people have domesticated horses, or own a dog that can fetch a ball. Well, what the hell else are we going to do with them? Keep out of their way until they're extinct, just because we can't eat them?

 Taxi !!

 Why can't I eat a camera?

 Bathtime. Should have read the fine print, suckers!

 Sit on my head will ya? Dive, dive, dive!

Periscope depth.

And with that, we headed back into Chaing Mai, and large amounts of congratulatory beer. Just for something different. I now have a few days here to unwind, shop, repack and write stuff like this. I will be going up to Chaing Rai to see the famous white temple, the Wat Rong Khun. This is unfinished business from last year. I'm also going ziplining before I leave. Stay tuned.

BACK INTO THE MOUNTAINS

After being woken at 6.30 am by a city-wide public announcement over the radio - turns out there was a speaker on a pole about 3 metres from my head - then going down the street to a cafe for which I had a breakfast voucher, I studied the menu. Hmmmm. Thai food is all very well and good, but I can't really face it at breakfast. Cereal, toast and coffee looked out of the question, so I walked over to the portable kitchen currently situated just out the front in the street, found a stack of egg cartons, pointed and raised two fingers. Roger that, with a smile, from the lady doing the cooking, after making sure I didn't want any of the other stuff on the menu. Er, no thanks, that won't be happening! Two very oily fried eggs later, that was it. I was fed, for the time being anyway.

Our hotel in Chiang Kan

 Ditto

 My breakfast on the stove!

 More timber buildings in Chiang Kan

 Ditto

Ditto.

 Me, Alison, Deb, Paul and Kay.



So, on the road again, for a day of mixed riding. Some motorway, some nice twisties, a lot of roadworks, and a lot of climbing back up into the mountains heading for Khao Kho. We had stayed here last year, in a hotel owned by the former local police chief, who happens to be a bike nut. He has an extensive display of bikes of all sorts, although he has cleared a lot of them out over the last year. We were also to hook up with the group going to Pattaya, who had left Chiang Mai at the same time as we did. They had done the same big circle up through the Mae Hong Son loop, and the golden triangle as I did last year. So it was party time, not before Noah found the keys to the bike showroom and started a few up, then took the Can Am Spyder for a run up and down the road at the front of the hotel. The man is a true hoon. We got stuck right into it with a bbq tea on the deck overlooking quite a picturesque valley flanked by mountains. There was a sizeable film crew staying at the hotel also, and they were  shooting footage for a TV show. The front man, a very well known Thai comedian, was there too. All the Thai guys were really impressed, and took lots of photos. Kay grabbed a few shots for the Big Bike Tours facebook page as well. I figured this was sort of like us running into Billy Connolly, and he did like to party. He was walking around with a jug of local rum on the rocks, offering a glassfull to anybody who was game enough. (Hell yeah, I sure did, twice, or was it three times?) It reminded me of my days as a barman at the Largs Pier Hotel, enough said. Anyway, the party got into full swing when Noah and Yai found the switch to the karaoke system. The end result of all this was that next morning there was one hell of a mess, and a lot of sore heads.

 Getting my money's worth on the scintillating ride from Vientiane to Chiang Kan. (yes, it's mine!)

 Yai and Noah with the karaoke machine at Khao Kho. Somebody pull the plug!

 Party time. Both tours meet at Khao Kho. This many bikes in one place would probably be illegal in Queensland, under current laws.

 The Thai TV star, standing at the back, his producer at left, and the annoying wunderkind sidekick with the beatle haircut.

The next morning was overcast, and our group were heading right into the blackest clouds around, not an encouraging sign. Our first stop was at a mind boggling temple which we had visited last year, while part of it was still under construction. It's still not finished yet, but has advanced significantly. Alison hadn't seen it before, and was suitably gobsmacked. It has that effect.

 The staggeringly incredible temple near Khao Kho

 Ditto.

Ditto.

 A little closer,

 and even closer, check out the detail!

 The huge multiple white statues of Buddha dominate the valley, and can be seen for miles.

Moving right along, Kay decided to take us onto a back road over a mountain range in the Phu Hin Rong Kla National Park. This was a tight, twisty, narrow road with very steep switchback turns which would have been demanding enough in the dry. Today, the road was wet, and the rain had washed mud onto the surface, making it particularly greasy. The plan was to give it a few kilometers and see how it looked. We pushed on, even when we hit cloud or fog, thinking we would break out of it soon enough. It just got thicker, and pretty soon we were committed to continuing rather than backtracking. We had to ride very close together to maintain contact. The mist got so thick that I lost sight of Kay's bike out in the lead. Then I lost sight of Paul's bike, and pretty soon it was all I could do to see Alison in front of me. I went up in first gear, slipping the clutch most of the way and making decisions based on what I could see within about 5 meters. My hazard lights were flashing in case anyone (probably Yai!) shunted me from behind, but this was of little comfort. This was pretty nerve wracking riding, I have to say. We finally found somewhere to stop just past a toll booth for the National Park, where there was a painted median in the middle of the road. A group discussion of our options followed. Our main concern was what it would be like going downhill after we crested the summit. It was pretty cold (cold? in Thailand??) and in the interest of safety, Deb got in the truck, where it was nice and warm and dry, but probably only marginally safer. I have struck riding conditions like these only once before, in Brazil in 2011, and it didn't cheer me up.

But as luck would have it, shortly after we restarted, we actually began to descend, and the fog or cloud started to thin out, until finally we were out of its clutches. The demanding road was still steep, wet and slippery, and still covered with big leaves, twigs, and clumps of pine needles, and it took some time till we were able to stop somewhere and get a coffee. We were all fairly knackered from this effort. It had been very technical riding on a very difficult road, requiring intense concentration of the highest order, and we all regarded it as quite an achievement.

 Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Well, tactical pause at least. Visibility 5-10 metres, degree of difficulty huge.

 Deb looking a bit worried, and cold! Kay doesn't look too happy either, and you can't even see Alison!

A stop for lunch at a small restaurant just as it started to rain, then a sprint along a motorway got us to Uttaradit, a largish town about a day's ride south east of Chiang Mai, as the rain began again. Crazy weather indeed. Is this global warming in action?